For some, having a child with special needs may be a blessing in disguise. It makes you the parent you never thought you can be. You have to rise to the challenge every minute of every day. You have to develop the patience you never had. You learn that your mission in life is to make your child the best they can be....not the best! And you carry over this parenting ideology over to your other kids...which is exactly what all mothers and fathers should aim for in raising their children! To get out their full potential by adulthood....and always encourage them to do better than themselves! Being "the best" has no real value. But having your child achieve his or her goals is one of the most gratifying things for both child and parent alike!
Also in my experience, my son is extremely happy go lucky. He lives in his own world, which is a wonderful place to live, devoid of life's day to day worries. And watching him smile every minute of the day brings an ease to our souls. Because nothing in life is worse than witnessing your child suffer in any way. It is every parent's underlying mission to make sure their child grow up to be happy adults! And we have already reached that goal!
Parenting children with special needs can also be very isolating. While all your child's peers are developing at a typical pace, having playdates, learning to read and write, having meaningful conversations, playing sports, eventually driving and so on....all these milestones are opportunities for parents to bond with one another. But when your child is behind and their development is at snail's pace, you kind of have no one to relate to than perhaps other parents of children with special needs who all have problems of their own.
Also, parenting children with special needs can cause massive strain on a marriage. It was one of my very first worries when I was suspecting my son has autism. I remember talking to a relative who is a life coach, telling her about this underlying fear. My husband kept dismissing the idea and kind of belittling my thoughts. Part of this had to do with him not accepting a flaw in his own child, but a big part had to do with thinking I'm neurotic. And I'll never forget when she told me "Talia, you are doing everything correct. You are focused and going through every step the right way. You just have to make sure that you stay on the same page as your husband always. No one else matters except you two." And so I went home that evening, told him what she said, and since that conversation, we both communicate very effectively with one another about our fears and our pride over our son. One of the very first things he said to me is "You know what, even if he has autism, I don't care! It's just a word that was created by an industry of therapists and teachers and doctors. It means nothing about my child." And just that statement gave me so much support because I realized that he was not shattered by the idea of a special needs child. I knew that he was ok. And when he is ok...I am ok. When he's in a bad mood...I'm in a bad mood. That is what marriage is!
And the partner I chose has come through in every way possible through our journey! We compliment each other beautifully. By nature he is passive and I'm neurotic. But as parents, we are completely different. He steps up to the plate with discipline (which is very important for special needs children) and I raise my game with patience and acceptance. We both unconditionally love our autistic son. Watching him as a parent makes me love him tenfolds more. Sure, there are times where I wouldn't mind choking him to death. But 99 percent of the time, I have pure admiration for him. The way he plays with my child and gets the best out of him. His strength. His dedication. His hope. His determination. His efforts. His understanding. His involvement. I am proud to be married to such a man and to have a great teammate on board! And I should only hope he feels the same way as me!
On the flip side, there are several men who are in complete denial in the beginning. It takes them a long time to come around...and I can't blame them. Usually, they are the parent that spends less time with the child so they can't see what a mother sees (in some cases, the reverse is true). And this can cause major conflict. Or just not agreeing on what is best for a child can cause a big wedge in a marriage. To all those single parents out their raising special needs children on their own...really, bravo to you! You are the biggest heroes on the planet!